Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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