I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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