Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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