You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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