My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
