...so i touched it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
