Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
