We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
