Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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