OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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