Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
