I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
