wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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