Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
