Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You've changed since you got that strap on
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
