fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
