id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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