Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
