she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
