is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
