Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this just has baby written all over it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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