A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
