I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
