her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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