you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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