Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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