its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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