I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
