I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
