I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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