there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
