Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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