We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
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Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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