i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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