He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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