Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
