I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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