i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
