woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
