Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
