her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
