just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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