the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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