I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
