im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
