Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
