she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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