This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
