I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
