When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
