i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
