Where is the hickey?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
