wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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