you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
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you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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