Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i love accidental penises.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't deserve a penis
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
