I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
