On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
