I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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