OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
